the sad thing is, these days, i’m only really happy when i’m drunk.
and even then - i miss my person even more when i’m drunk. eff.
i was doing so well.
stop walking back in every time i let you go. it’s just not fair.
-_-
So yeah. The unbelievably passionate and agonizing intensity of what I’ve been feeling, love wise, has definitely died down. The root of the feelings is still constantly there though.
…it’s that brick you just carry around in your heart - that weight that you can’t shake off, no matter what you do. It’s annoying, but, it’s kind of inescapable at the moment, I’ve realized. So the best thing to do is to work towards accepting it.
I was stupid.
I thought myself wiser than many at this time last year.
- I have I four sets of headphones. All of them are busted in one ear.
- I’m participating in a project I will get very little, or next to no, credit for - putting a little too much effort into it, I think.
- Was sick all last week - plus jetlag, plus cramps, plus heartache, plus physical and emotional constipation.
- Everything I look at reminds me of person. When I think about it, they walked into my life just as suddenly as they left. And still - even with the little time they had - they were able to affect me too much. They’re a huge part of why I’ve been feeling so depressed lately… the them not being here thing is really, really taking a toll on me, and I really, really want it to go. The frick. Away.
I don’t recall ever feeling this tired, this empty, or this… I dunno, gypped. I feel like someone up there is playing a sick joke on me and having a good laugh about it too. Sheesh. The workload, the health problems, the falling waaaay deeply for someone that 1) I cannot have and 2) I don’t even have the luxury of pining for at a close distance and having it affect my emotional state constantly… THIS ALL JUST REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.
Okay. Okay now.
Just.
Breathe.
Though I feel like I’m about to faint, I’m gonna push through and get some readings done… gotta take a break from Japanese or my brain will implode. Must return to the dorm and fill my body with caffeine and some snackage to help me pull through… maybe take a musical commercial break from this onslaught of homework.
Yeah.
I’m gonna push through. I’m gonna push through. I’m gonna push through.
